Language is not neutral. The words we choose to describe autism — and autistic people — carry embedded assumptions about what autism means, whether it is good or bad, whether autistic people are whole or broken, whether they need to be understood or fixed.
Most people who use harmful language do not intend harm. They are using the words they inherited. But intention does not determine impact. And in a world where autistic children are already navigating enormous pressure to conform, the language that surrounds them matters.
"Suffers from autism"
The most common harmful construction is "suffers from autism." It defines the autistic person by their suffering — not by their personality, their strengths, their experience, their life.
Most autistic people do not experience their autism as suffering. They experience a world designed for neurotypical people as frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes painful. That is not the same thing.
"Suffers from autism" places the problem inside the person. The neurodiversity framework places the problem in the gap between a person's needs and the world's willingness to accommodate them.
"High functioning" and "low functioning"
Functioning labels seem helpful — they feel like they give useful information. They do not.
"High functioning" often means: this autistic person's needs are invisible to me. People who are labeled high functioning frequently have intense, unmet support needs that go unaddressed because they appear to be "doing fine."
"Low functioning" often means: I have reduced my expectations of this person's potential. It becomes a ceiling rather than a description.
Autistic experience is not a single spectrum from "a little autistic" to "very autistic." It is a collection of different profiles — a person may have extremely high language fluency and extremely high sensory sensitivity. Functioning labels collapse that complexity into a single number that serves no one, least of all the autistic person.
Identity-first vs. person-first language
This one is genuinely contested, and the answer is: ask the person.
Person-first language ("person with autism") was developed with good intentions — to emphasize that the person is more than their diagnosis. Many parent and professional communities use it by default.
Identity-first language ("autistic person") is preferred by the majority of autistic self-advocates. The reasoning: autism is not something separate from the person that they happen to carry around. It is integral to how they experience and move through the world.
The short version: follow the lead of the autistic person in front of you.
What to do
You do not need to be perfect. You need to be willing to listen. When an autistic person or their family tells you that a word hurt, believe them. Update your language. Move on.
That is what acceptance looks like in practice — not getting it right on the first try, but being willing to learn.
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